Christmas for the psychiatrically challenged

A tad late but that’s OK – that’s in keeping:

1. SchizophreniaDo You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. AmnesiaI Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. NarcissisticHark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. ManicDeck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and …

6. Paranoid Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality DisorderThoughts of Me Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality DisorderYou Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive DisorderJingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …Better Now!, One more time…

10. AgoraphobiaI Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile DementiaWalking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant DisorderI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety DisorderHave Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

14. Attention Deficit DisorderWe Wish You……Hey Look!! It’s Snowing!!!

15. Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely

16. Bipolar Disorder: O Come, All Ye Faithful — no, get the hell away from me.

17. Depressive: Silent Misery, Holy Misery, All is Flat, All is Lonely

18. Passive-Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me and then Took it All Away, So I Pouted and Wouldn’t Talk to Her For a Week. I showed her!

7 comments for “Christmas for the psychiatrically challenged

  1. MadPiper
    December 28, 2010 at 13:57

    Love it! 🙂

  2. December 28, 2010 at 14:12

    Chuckles – LOL. I’m definitely Number … er … number … what was I saying? Oh yeah – Number 13. No – 15. No – 14 … I think.

  3. Patrick Harris
    December 28, 2010 at 17:08

    Who is Chuckles?, I think we should be told.
    Apart from that, yep, all 18, without which I would be without character or just without.

    • December 28, 2010 at 17:24

      Chuckles is an august reader of this and other blogs in the sphere, in the way JD is/was and Rossa and Bill of Churchtown. Rossa semi-blogs but the others are strictly readers [except when they’re blogging here, of course].

  4. Patrick Harris
    December 28, 2010 at 20:01

    Ah ha! this is december so he should not be reading this or any other blog. See you, Chuckles, in 8 months(ish).

  5. Chuckles
    December 29, 2010 at 10:34

    Patrick,

    Have you considered the possibility that I am simply an alter-ego of James’, allowing him to post droll and inflammatory material that would otherwise ruin his carefully crafted sober and upright image?
    Conspiracy theories are all the rage after all?

    The truth is as usual much more mundane. I’m a grumpy old 60 year old engineer, milestone inspector, cats-eye dropper and righter of wrongs in Huntingdonshire (wrong most of the time I’m told, by she-who-must-be-obeyed and divers grasping children).
    I was born at a very early age, somewhat accidentally in the far flung empire rather than, as expected, Surrey, and like James I’ve spent much of my life in other parts of the world. Clearly someone didn’t fling it far enough.
    My life these days is spent trying to prolong adolescence beyond previously accepted limits, turning fine wine into urine, and bringing a bit of light amusement to others as they go about their drab wretched lives.
    Motto – ‘It’s you and me against the world. Personally, I think we’re going to get creamed.’

    • December 29, 2010 at 14:25

      his carefully crafted sober and upright image

      🙂

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