NIMBYs on The Titanic

A couple of British home owners manage to push their way to the front of the life boat queue and are the first aboard. Once HO2 is aboard, HO1 casts off the lines and pushes the boat away from the sinking Titanic and starts rowing madly.

HO2; “Aren’t there supposed to be 24 people in this boat?”

HO1: “No, there’s only room for two, one at the front, on at the back. Shut up and get rowing.”

HO2; “But if we leave now, then some of those people will drown.”

HO1: “No they won’t, there are plenty of life boats to go round, surely the White Star Line will have seen to that.”

HO2: “No there aren’t. I overheard to Captain admitting as much to Kate Winslett. And even if there were, they’d have budgeted for twenty four people in a boat.”

H01: “Exactly. So some people are going to drown anyway, what do a few more matter? And look at it this way, we’ve paid for our ticket and our cruise holiday is ruined. I think the least we can expect is a bit of extra food while we wait to be rescued.”

H02: “Oh look, there are some people in the water, just ahead of us, they seem to be in pain. Shall we not stop to pick them up, or else they’ll surely drown?”

HO1: “Good grief, what are you thinking? Hard a-port or the blighters will scramble on board! Did I plant that iceberg? Did I ask them to jump in the water? No! So it’s up to them to help themselves. They should have got into the queue in time.”

HO2: “To be fair, we did push our way to the front a little bit, didn’t we? There was that one little boy you pushed overboard.”

H01: “Serves his feckless mother right for bringing children in to the world that she’s not going to look after him properly. What was the slattern thinking of allowing a young child to run about at midnight? He should have been in bed.”

H02: “True… it is an overcrowded planet. This younger generation is just so selfish, isn’t it? But look, should we not stop to pick up a few survivors?”

H01: “No certainly not. Do you realise how crowded it is back in England? There’s no room for any more people, not since all those Irish navvies came over, stealing our jobs and eating our food. Look at it this way – we’re doing the rest of England a favour by thinning out the population. Think how much our food security will improve if there are a few thousand fewer people demanding that houses be built?”

H02: “If you put it like that… and I suppose it’s nice to have a bit of space here in the boat. Do you fancy a biscuit? Plenty to go round!”

6 comments for “NIMBYs on The Titanic

  1. February 23, 2011 at 09:58

    I think it may have gone out a bit late, Mark – most readers seem to go to bed about 10 o’clock here. Thanks again.

  2. Patrick Harris
    February 23, 2011 at 11:56

    When all the biscuits have been equally distributed amongst those that worked hard and earned their way to the front of the queue and to those that just sat in their deck chairs waiting to be, not only, shown where the front of the queue is located but to be transported, free of charge, I will be willing to share my humble shelter (funny how the term “house owner” has changed to “home owner”). the rules governing their access to my haven of peace and tranquility are, firstly, that it remains that way. secondly, they will not be allowed to, stealthily, bring parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, child brides etc. through the back door. Thirdly, they will be expected to get a job, if that means “Tebbit like” getting on their bikes then so be it. Four, my belongings will be clearly marked and are exclusively for my use.
    Five, Oh bollux I can’t be arsed to go any further otherwise it will become as farcical as the above post.

  3. February 23, 2011 at 14:09

    I’m struggling to understand the point this article is, presumably, trying to make.

  4. February 23, 2011 at 14:36

    Patrick Harris, fair enough, so you’d happily push off with two to a boat and not stop to pick up survivors?

    Nobody’s asking you to allow people into your physical house, what NIMBYs want to do is have a house themselves but for as few other people as possible to have one, it is a mystery to me why.

  5. February 23, 2011 at 14:55

    Bloody anti-spam. Sorry, guys.

  6. Patrick Harris
    February 23, 2011 at 16:20

    Mark Wadsworth, I take your words at face value, they are far too simplistic to explain the width and depth of the problem referred to, My post, as intimated at the end, is also simplistic and for the same reasons absolutely useless, what a waste of time and ink is both posts.

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