Imagine if it does all end but we’re still sentient, though in another ethereal form. Some reactions on 2012:
Gerald Celente: I’ve been predicting this since the 1980s.
The Mayans: You’ve taken us out of context.
Rossa/Twilight: It was in the stars.
Churchmouse: Told you you should have believed in G-d.
Higham: It was Them I tell you. Them.
Dawkins/Randi: It’s all a giant con, don’t believe a word of it.
Hawking: Bang bang!
Amanda Knox: I swear I didn’t do it and neither did Raffaele – we were nowhere near the house.
Sarko: Who’s a nasty piece of work now?
G-d: Take that, you disbelieving load of heathens.
FOMC: The consumer segment of the economy seems to be making progress, but the wild card is the strain in the global financial markets. While there are no new initiatives in this announcement, this is far from a passive stance on the part of the Commission. The bottom line is that the green shoots have emerged.
Soetoro: Hey, that was my re-election.
Kingsclere, Hampshire residents near the Watership Down hill: Bloody electronics, bloody secret bases.
CERN: Looks like we found the god particle, doesn’t it?
Harbag: If women had been in charge …
Gore/Strong: Shamballa – that’s what it was. Plus global warming.
Jamie Dimon: Business is business.
Dianne Abbott: White people love to play divide and rule.
Fake Charities Commission: We lost a disk, you see, then someone entered an incorrect string of numbers. We apologize to all those decimated by this action of one of our employees and to those who lost their life savings – we’re looking into it.
The Pope: All little boys on earth are now safe.
DSK: Yep, so are young women.
Mohammed: That’s what comes of relaxing the jizya. We’ll take limbs in lieu.
Punxsutawney Phil: I said six more weeks, not the end of life as we know it.
Nick Clegg: [Nick dissolved into paroxysms of tears and was unable to comment.]
iDave: Anyone still interested in that referendum?
Iran: We don’t warn people twice.
Kim Kardashian: Do you think those implants are OK?
Readers of nourishing obscurity: Oh shit!