Valentines Day

Here ya go:

The Mail is not the best place to go to read about Valentine’s Day, especially with headlines like “who needs men“?

Here are some answers to that:

# Well I simply do not believe it. My single friends are always saying how unhappy they are about not being able to find the right man. Everyone wants to be loved and nurtured and if they tell you they don’t, they are lying. [Capri, West London]

# It’s a known fact that men are far more desperate and needy than women. – Nina, Reading, England, 14/2/2012 9:07 No, they’re not, Nina. I’m desperately lonely today, as are all my single friends. There aren’t any men moping round the office and not even the married ones have brought a card in to show off. It’s just another day to them. It’s true, they really do only need us for one thing and now that my looks are going, I’m frightened for the future. I’ll be 30 next year and I so don’t want to be alone forever. [Amy, Leicester]

# But… who holds your hand when you need to know you’re not alone? Who says you look beautiful when you don’t feel that way inside? Who believes in you when you can’t try anymore? Who stays with you as you grow old?. [Paul, USA]

I say the Capris, Amys and Pauls need to find each other and leave those embittered commenters of both sexes to enjoy their deliriously happy singlehood alone. Alone is not a good state – there are three people I’m thinking of right now, all alone and I know they’d appreciate having a partner if the partner were not unreasonable and in the case of the males – if the courts would stay TF out of it.

Personally, I like “incidental” love scenes, where the film was not actually a love story but love intruded somewhere along the line:

Thinking back to some of those comments at the Mail, I can’t help but wonder if they’ve ever really had an intense relationship with the other sex – if they had, they’d surely not be so bitter.  They’d just miss the arms of someone special.   Sure, they might have had mucho bonko, they might even have married and had a life of sorts but to say they don’t need the other sex at all has my head shaking.

Not such a good analogy but to me, the difference between sex and the full item with love is the difference between the icing and the cake, between the dessert and the full meal.  Idiocy, of course, to say sex is not great or even vital and full-on too but sex with love – ah, that’s sublime.  I miss the arms, the thousand little looks and throwaway words, the surprises I’d dream up for her, the bed which is not empty in the middle of the night, those walks in the rain or along the shore or both at one time.  Even banal things can be nice if you look at them the right way – even both of you washing up after the meal.

The commercialization?   Tacky and lurid red.   The other sex?  Soft thoughts for them today.  If Valentine’s Day can be noteworthy for nothing else, let it be noteworthy for a thawing between men and women, if only for 24 hours.  In Russia, which took some time to come to grips with Valentine’s, it was a day when close people, whoever they were, exchanged gifts and cards.  That’s how I’m treating it today.

To the female readers of this blog and to those female friends of mine who don’t read blogs – this post is for you, with a big hug and kiss.

7 comments for “Valentines Day

  1. JD
    February 14, 2012 at 15:34

    من أقوال ابن عربي: الحب موت صغير
    L’amour est une petite mort” – Ibn Arabi

  2. February 14, 2012 at 21:39

    That last scene from “Pretty Woman” is a favourite of mine – the music is just right too. Funny thing though, I always fancied Hector Elizondo more than Richard Gere . 😉

    The movie scene and theme I always think of first when recalling love scenes: Ben Hur – when Judah Ben Hur meets Esther. Dialogue was sparse:

    Judah Ben-Hur: If you were not a bride, I would kiss you goodbye.
    Esther: If I were not a bride, there would be no goodbyes to be said.

    Love Theme from Ben Hur
    (Had it played at our wedding – or as much as there was time for)

    In appropriately soppy mood then – hugs all round – male, female, whatever. 🙂

  3. February 15, 2012 at 09:30

    James, thanks for your visit and comment.

    Why would a paper called mail be down on males? ^_^ Seems contary somehow.

    I guess it is possible to have a relationship that is just or mostly to do with sex, but I feel that anyone who had that would be missing out. Not a romantic way of seeing it, but for me a loving relationship is maybe like an iceberg, most of it isn’t sex or visible sparkle like the bit above the water.

    I do wonder, just a bit, about peope who make a big thing of it in public. Are they really so solid and happy?

    To keep with the ocean theme. The love and caring is the ocean this fish swims in and without it where is the thing that supports us and that we breathe as we go about our days.

    But a word to the Pauls and Paulettes of the world. Sometimes you turn around and the one you thought was the one that you thought did that is gone, they just didn’t want to be with you any more.

    But that is not reason to never trust, or to be bitter against men, or women. Just that some people of either sex are constant as a star and some flighty as a flighty thing.

    If a person starts counting up in their head all the bad examples they find they will get it all oh so wrong, because they will miss all the good ones, feel bitter and maybe even make more bad ones more likely.

    Happy valentines everyone. Giving a card is great, giving a loving hug make it better and it is the quiet everyday little thoughtful loving gestures that say “I Love you” best.

  4. February 15, 2012 at 10:00

    If a person starts counting up in their head all the bad examples they find they will get it all oh so wrong, because they will miss all the good ones, feel bitter and maybe even make more bad ones more likely.

    Yes – it’s the bitterness which is the killer, gnawing away inside. This blog has been down on parachutees and unfairness in the way the State operates, the PCism etc. and there’s a danger of bitterness through repetition.

    I’d like to keep the distinction between vehemently attacking something so many see as wrong and in continuing to do that and bitterness itself – to keep them separated.

    I have zero bitterness towards women as a species and my closest relationships are with women who would wind that up if they detected I disliked them. Yet I’m very bitter about policy in this country and across the world – about the Napolitanos and Harmans of the world, about the destruction by the feminiazis.

    If all these people butted out, men and women could get along again – well as much as they ever did. I also look back at how women were treated as chattels and wince – it was … er .. like bad, you know.

    Never want to go back to that but equally – not this brazen new world where women have become dewomanized butt kickers, just as men have become emasculated. Hell, haven’t our sex got cojones any more? Have the gals lost the power to entrance, to weave a spell?

    I just want us all back to a situation of mutual respect where we can let the chemistry thing rip, with no fear of the thought police ready to pounce.

  5. February 15, 2012 at 10:18

    Um. I wasn’t thinking especially politically.

    But I guess it pays to be careful to see everything as much as a person can and not just count only the good stuff, or bad stuff ,in any situation.

    But generally nothing is quite perfect and mostly bad stuff is not so good and mostly good stuff isn’t so bad ^_^

    I think it would be better not to try and legislate for decency and good manners. Really that is what political correctness is, a bit like hypocracy in days gone by.

  6. February 15, 2012 at 10:44

    But generally nothing is quite perfect and mostly bad stuff is not so good and mostly good stuff isn’t so bad ^_^

    Classic Moggsyism, better even than Known-Knowns, which was pretty good in the first place.

  7. February 15, 2012 at 12:24

    I guess it’s the unknown-knowns you have to really watch out for? ^_^ Along with the unknown- unknowns? but you would be more wary of those anyway.

    Intuition would mostly be unknown-knowns I guess…

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