Housekeeping

This morning I received five comments in the queue from two people, both women.

………..

I have a statement to make on it.

One was from a former supposed enemy and the other a former supposed friend. The supposed enemy stuck to the topic and didn’t stray, nor was there any invective against me.

The latter went straight for the invective against me and the self-justification for herself, which is a pity because I had steadfastly supported her and still do, at great cost to myself. I’ve lost much through that support, even though, because she was essentially correct at the time, I had no alternative but to support her. Also, she gave me very great support at critical times and so, despite things she’s done to me, I continue to support her.

To say I’m incensed though at this moment at the chutzpah is the understatement of the year. I find it difficult to forgive treachery.

………..

I’ve always run the policy here that if a person can behave him or herself and comment like a human being, that person is welcome. If they can’t, they don’t and I think that would be your policy too at your place, if you had one, dear reader.

………..

I’d like, at this point, to mention an unrelated conversation with my exgf some years ago. She had also been acting outrageously and I was sick of it. Just because you love someone, doesn’t give you carte blanche to treat them like dirt and constantly try to take the high moral ground without the slightest justification.

I’d begun to see another girl who didn’t act this way – in other words, she acted like a human being and we got close – and my exgf knew of her, as she was the former best friend of my exgf.

She said this other girl didn’t care a damn for me and would let me down at any time, whereas she, my exgf, would never let me down. Which was better, she asked – someone who acted as badly as I was claiming she did yet loved me … or some bint with fine words who couldn’t care less about me and would betray me the moment it suited her?

I said to my exgf that if that was her definition of love, behaving that way, then it was a damned funny way of showing love and if it was love in her eyes, then it was an interpretation I could well do without.

As for the other girl, I was well aware what she was about and of her history, yet she was civil and pleasant and as long as she was, we could relate.

Did my exgf, I now asked her, not understand the principle of giving her supposed man a calm life without sending him to an early grave? I also asked where was all the fabled care and attention the man was supposed to receive? As far as I could see, this thing only went one way.

I’ve never been one for equal care and affection because one person always loves more and as I usually ended up with the one I wanted, then it was always going to be unevenly weighted in her favour. Those were odds I was always prepared to accept then but less so now.

However, there were limits and if I occasionally did want things a certain way and there were no great arguments against that, then I expected she’d fall in with my plans and work her own around that. [In RL, unlike on the blog, I'm quite passive in many ways, not unlike most men.] If she was so self-centred that she only saw me as an appendage and couldn’t care less about doing anything I wanted, then bye bye.

That did not go down well – the truth seldom does. We parted for maybe the fourth of about a dozen times over our history.

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Look, when it comes to a woman, I expect to be treated well, which by my definition means being given calm, loving attention about one third of the total time I give to her – the lady should always have more attention, by definition and society is geared around this – that’s the natural law. I enjoy chivalry and you can’t do that if she’s running about after you – she has to be the one on the receiving end.

Two-thirds of the time.

But that final one third of the time I do expect, it’s not negotiable and if it’s not there, then colour me gone. I’ve no time for the totally self-centred, self-entitled and the grievance-monger. I told her all this. I also said her most redeeming feature was that she wasn’t a feminazi.

That also did not go down well.

………..

This time round, ever-patient reader, I’m accepting comments but will show greater vigilance than usual in which ones get through and which don’t. I reserve the right, only on this post, mind, not on any other post, to edit if it goes beyond the pale.

6 Responses to “Housekeeping”

  1. Geoffrey S July 11, 2012 at 09:43 Permalink

    Never goes away, doesn’t get any easier. Love is old, love is new. Always someone in the heart and soul, too exciting for words, hollow without it. Of Human Bondage, break these chains. Living ain’t living without love in the here and now, in the recent past or the near future. From the most complicated super-perceptive to the simplest and gentlest. This life is a torture half the time. Hey ho!

  2. James Higham July 11, 2012 at 10:35 Permalink

    Tell me about it, Geoffrey. Imagine a world without the ladies – I’d seriously die. Imagine if they did go away and never speak to me again. That would be unnerving.

    Old adage, eh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t ………….

    ………..

    As I write, the lady next door, a kind-hearted person who wouldn’t hurt a fly, is currently shrieking at her guy. Oo, I just heard something being thrown and f*&^*ing this and that being mentioned.

    Can’t live with ‘em, can’t ………….

  3. andy5759 July 11, 2012 at 15:42 Permalink

    What’s that they say about bachelors dying younger than married men? I’d like that peer reviewed. I presume the comments referred to are apropos your recent thoughts on parachutees. Such musings are often, if not always, interpreted as misogyny. It is very difficult to criticise women, whether they be those close to us or not.

  4. Twilight July 11, 2012 at 19:25 Permalink

    “I find it difficult to forgive treachery” – me too, but it’s gotta be done, James – otherwise hatred begins to corrode yer innards.

    At such times I try to remember something Noel Coward (I think) once said in his cultured drawl:

    “Everything matters…but nothing matters terribly.”

  5. Welshcakes Limoncello July 11, 2012 at 20:34 Permalink

    The words “feminist” and “Nazi” do not go together.

  6. James Higham July 11, 2012 at 21:04 Permalink

    In their tactics they do, that’s why it was coined, Welshcakes. It didn’t spring from thin air. Expurgating books in closed rooms so that children only get the feminized version is very similar to the Nazi book burnings. Using the State as a big stick is also reprehensible.

    Amazing that, of all the posts up, you zero in on this. :)

    Twilight – what one feels is not important is almost always of vital importance to the other and it is a measure of lack of arrogance from the partner who doesn’t feel the importance to recognize that it is for the other.

    Andy – yes. What comes through here is that there is a firm male/female divide in life, just as there is in comments and ne’er the twain shall meet.

    ………..

    OK, I’ll close off comments here on this thread as it’s been up the day and I don’t want to run risks overnight. Thanks all.