Back to school [puke]

There are many things, these days, that have the power to strike true fear into the heart of the decent Parent (single or otherwise). A midday phone call from the school, at this time of year, is surely top that list.

It means you have failed. It means, no matter how hard you tried, your child has still fallen victim to that most dreaded of all childhood predators, The Back to School Bug.

Here’s how it went today- 10.47am –

“Bring Bring”, I glance at my mobile, see ‘Big School’ flashing on the screen, and sigh, a deep, deep sigh.


“Hi, is that child XXXXX’s Mother?”

“It might be, depends”

“Child XXXXX has just puked all over the sickroom and Matrons shoes too, could you come get him,  She’s really pissed.”

“I’m shocked, really I am. Not. Sigh. I’m on my way”. Click.

And so, off I go, again, for the tenth year running, to scoop up and catch the result of modern parents, who spend a shocking amount of time worrying about paedos, child catchers, manic drivers and the like, yet can’t be bothered to teach their children to wash their bloody hands, nor keep them off school if they happen to puke midweek.

Back to School bugs are a very real thing. They spread fast and nasty. In my many, many years of experience the real culprits are almost always the same. They are children that puked during the evening, and whose parents sent them back to school the next morning (I hate to say it but child care for sick kids is almost impossible).

They always spout the same bloody rubbish, it was a 24 hr bug, their fine now, blah de blah de blah. Yes they are fine, now, sadly, they have managed, in that 24 hrs, to pass the bug onto everyone else that touched anything they did and now everyone is puking.

For the last ten years I have maintained that if one of my children puked, all of my children would take the next 48 hrs off school. No point in spreading it around, is there?. Today, I decided for the first time to phone the schools to ask if this was the right thing to do. Apparently not. Both schools said to send them in, they were willing to take their chances, if they started to puke they would call me.

Er no. I don’t think so. It will be a long weekend for us, all kids off school tomorrow. Am I buggery going to send my kids to school, with the knowledge that they might start puking at any time, and even worse, infect everyone else they come into contact with before they do so. I’ll leave that to the shitty, arsehole parents that send their sick kids to school, even though they know they puked. Yes, I have work tomorrow, no I won’t be going. I’ll call a sick day, or if needs be, lose a days pay.

This back to school, puke if you gotta, my job’s way more important than all the other people my child may infect with his nasty ass Norovirus/Ebola/plague shit is getting old. Fast.

I am bored to shit with spending every September listening to your whiney arse bollocks about how you almost had to hire a Nanny to look after poor, sick, Jeremiah, but he rallied at the last minute so you didn’t miss a days work.

Whilst every one else around you, and their children, continue to puke, thanks to your shitty parenting skills and shocking hygiene.

5 comments for “Back to school [puke]

  1. September 14, 2012 at 08:05

    This one rings a few bells – especially if you include the ubiquitous snuffles (the same phenomenon that later manifests itself as ‘freshers’ flu’).

    Spare a thought for those adults desperately trying to avoid succumbing to these ills; all the hand sanitizing gel in the world can’t protect you from the numerous small indirect contacts in school – handing books back and forth, door handles, sneezing children in the front row.

    My mother (a teacher herself) had an unbreakable rule at home; no leaving the house for at least 24 hours after the end of a temperature, diarrhoea or vomiting (except to go to the doctor’s or A&E).

    At least this one is short-lived; my son missed several months of school with whooping cough after sitting next to an infected child sent in so his mother could go to work.

  2. September 14, 2012 at 09:41

    Broadening it a bit, there is this “martyr” aspect to some people which is not only rubbish but it is selfish too.

    It ranges from someone in Russia not going out with hat in winter because that shows he’s a hard man – never mind that he is two weeks in bed with hypothermia and then flu after that – to someone”soldiering on” when there is no need to, it helps no one at work because he is crabby and underachieving, possibly even making errors and what for – so that no one can say that person is skiving.

    Where I part-time work, if you go down with whatever it is, they tell you NOT to come back unless you’re well over it because the customers are the last people to appreciate noble gestures of that kind.

    So I agree with SS – keep them away, get them over it with TLC and what is needed, come back stronger and less likely to succumb again.

  3. ivan
    September 14, 2012 at 10:27

    I wonder if this is a modern problem exacerbated by the ‘home must be a sterile environment’ movement.

    I don’t remember events like those described happening in my days in school 40s, early 50s., but then we didn’t have sterile homes. We had things like an outside loo that was emptied once a week, a bath in the tin bath in front of the fire Saturday evening and we actually played outside and got *dirty* with mud and pond slime.

    In many ways I think we were healthier then than most people and kids today.

  4. September 14, 2012 at 10:41

    ivan, there’s probably something in that; the worst example I ever met was a mother who sterilised or boiled virtually everything her children touched until they went to school.

    However, I suspect a significant factor in what Sourpuss so vehemently describes may be the increase in families taking cheap foreign holidays at the end of the summer – there’s nothing like air travel for swapping bacteria around.

  5. September 14, 2012 at 11:57

    There’s a lot in what you both say here. Needs a post.

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