Neckbeard raises and interesting one:
My absolute favorites are when some asshole pauses in mid-pose on the crossing while traffic is actually waiting for them to move. If I had to drive past there every day I’d eventually lose it and run someone down.
Interesting that he spells “lose” correctly, unlike the Americans. But yes, that sort of thing brings out something eyegleamingly naughty in the brain, does it not?
1. My mate and I had just had an encounter with a stingray underwater and had first swum and then flippered all the way up the beach to the car and taken off, when we saw the guy in the distance. He seemed to be an old guy on a bike, not doing anything wrong – just wobbling along and my mate thought it might bring something to his life to ginger things up a bit.
To his credit, the guy stayed on the bike for a bit after the sudden broach with death but then fell off. Now what made me a wimp and my mate a superhero is that I was a bit chagrined about what we’d done whereas he saw it all as highly amusing.
Do you believe in karma? We were stopped by the police further down the road for driving in wetsuits and flippers but there was no actual statute about that and we willingly disrobed.
2. Saw my ex WN2 on a visit downunder and it was such a near impossible chance that something was clawing at the brain, saying, “Go on – mount that footpath and give her a surprise.”
3. GF loved her cat. This is different to the one I told you about last time. Now, reasoning that after she’d calmed down, she’d see the logic in me not doing this for real when one could just open the back door and let it get out, I lit the oven and got the step ladder. Knew the gf was coming home in half an hour and had to get the kitchen hot.
Next, had to coax kitty in to the kitchen – food did the trick here. Next, GF came home and parked, I opened the oven door and rested the end of the [wooden] ladder inside.
The ruse did not turn out a success. I reflected later that she might not have been apprised of all the steps in thinking over the stunt but no – I was the devil incarnate.
4th of the trilogy. The guy was coming down the opposite hill, I was coming down this one [in Russia in the snow]. I calculated his speed and mine and reasoned that if I breathed in and braced for the crash [rugby days helped here], that we’d survive this.
Now, as he sped up and I did too, to get through a narrow metal arch at the bottom of the path, I thought let’s do this. He was giving no quarter and neither was I. When we met smack bang under that arch, he spent enough time on the ground until I got away but the thing I hadn’t factored in was that I was over 40 and he was about 20.
Lucky he didn’t find me.
5th of the trilogy. I’d bought a new Civic and this was the first day. Parked in town but a guy in a beat up car of some description reasoned I’d taken his spot. He didn’t crash into my car but did just touch the side at the weakest point. This involved hundreds of pounds of panel beating and as you know, it’s never the same again.
Anway, I saw his car around the corner with him not there and the first thought was match, as the gas tank cap was not locked. Second thought was water. Third thought was tyres. Fourth was twisted antenna and the fifth was windscreen wipers derubbered. Key scratch would not have done much as it was a beat-up piece of wreckage anyway. Sixth thought was slow puncture but had no sharp, needle like object.
The prophet Paul wrote:
Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Sort of takes all the fun out of life, despite its undoubted psychological implications for the good.