Are you all seaty comftibold two-square on your botty? Then I’ll begin:
Cinderella was a proud woman. She never cried. She never let the world see the pain she was going through. She refused to be considered weak.
But sometimes, she couldn’t help it, sometimes she just had to write a Facebook status about how shitty her day was.
Prince Charming searched near and far for Cinderella. He even checked the event page for the ball but she totally wasn’t even on the guest list!
The Frog Prince needed the princess to kiss him so he could turn back into a human. Then all his problems would be solved, then his life would be perfect.
Finally, after driving her home one night, she leaned in towards him. But he was going in for this open-mouthed thing, and hers was just gonna be a little peck, so when they met, aw, it was just, it was a mess.
Rapunzel cut all her hair off and everyone was totally into it but one unexpected consequence was that she kept getting hit on by women.
After like the tenth time it happened she wanted to say to the girl, “Is this still a thing, that only lesbians have short hair? Can’t pretty much anyone have short hair now?” But then she was like, Eh, yolo, and they made out.
… and they all lived happily ever after.