Next week sees the Turner Prize award for 2012 signalling the start of this year’s pantomime season
These are just a few of the artists who, for one reason or another, did not make it onto the short list of nominees for this
annual farce prestigious art prize.
1. Newcastle University students’ outstanding piece of Performance Art as protest at the price of milk and the way dairy farmers are being robbed by the supermarkets and the milk processors-
2. Our old friend Cecilia Giménez and her wonderful, refreshingly original perspective on the art of fresco was disregarded as she is old and foreign. And in any case she has become too popular.
3. Sue Austin was not nominated because she had already received a grant for her performance as part of the Cultural Olympiad which accompanied the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics-
4. Christo has decided to build a pyramid using old oil drums painted red. This is going to be in the desert somewhere which is a good thing as nobody will have to look at it.
The idea is challenging something or other but who cares and anyway he is also disqualified as he is too old and a foreigner but no matter because the judging panel all fell asleep before he could finish his presentation.
5. Another old friend, Vladimir Umanets, was disqualified for taking the whole thing too seriously. He believed that the Turner Prize was for real artists. Whatever gave him that impression?
As the whole world knows it is a cunning plan to remove large amounts of money from the public purse and transfer said money to the pockets of the chosen few.
A word of advice for Gideon The Incapable: If you want to balance your budget and are looking for ways to cut the nation’s debt/deficit, just abolish the Arts Council.
This will have the added bonus of encouraging artists to produce real works of art instead of looking to the State Art grandees for hand-outs.
This bit of advice is free, gratis and for nothing Gideon, there will be no charge and if you need any more just ask and thou shalt receive