What women should not be wearing

Takes little to create the effect

Long ago on this blog was a post about dressing the French way, which was essentially positive – ideas which generally seem to work. They included:

No. 1: Blend.
No. 2: Softness.
No. 3: One item noticeable.
No. 4: One expensive classic.
No. 5: Flatter your body.
No. 6 Signature item.
No. 7: Less is more. Nothing blatant will do.
No. 8: Class. No piercing, tattoos or multiple earrings.
No. 9: Grooming.
No. 10: Little black dress.
No. 11: Perfectly tailored suit.
No. 12: Leather jacket.
No. 13: A well-cut trench coat.

Not sure about these though:

No. 14: Knee-high boots.
No. 15: Strappy black sandals.

Little black dress

Paula Joye, of The Age, has gone the negative route on what women should not be wearing.  She does, however, quote Yves Saint Laurent whose sentiment echoes that of most men when it comes to women and clothes:

“Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.”

Amen.  Here is her list of fashion non-nos:

1. High Waisted Jeans: That pouchy bit between the bottom of the zipper and the button… when you turn side on, it looks like you’ve strapped a denim hot dog around your waist.

2. Gladiator Sandals: These don’t make you look like Diane Kruger (Helen of Troy), they make you look like Russell Crowe.

3. Leggings: I always hear women talking about leggings and that they shouldn’t be worn as pants but those women are usually wearing leggings as pants. Here’s what we think: They don’t suit you. Not at the gym. Not at the shops. Not anywhere there are men.

4. Granny underwear: What? There is a reason it’s called GRANNY underwear.

5. Capri Pants/Pedal Pushers: You look like a deck hand from the First Fleet. What happened to the fabric on the bottom of your pants? Is that what they make scrunchies out of?

6. The Jersey/Geordie Shore Look: Tight mini skirt, fake hair, orange tan, spiders where your eyelashes should be… If you’re not wrapped around a pole and this describes what you’ve got on right now, then you look like you should be wrapped around a pole.

7. Dungarees/Overalls: Oh look! It’s a life size version of Jemima from Play School.

8. Our Stuff: My jeans, my shirt, my boxers – the person who told you that men like seeing women in their clothing was someone called Cosmopolitan. Give it back. It’s not sexy and, also, it’s mine.

9. Animal Print: This is to fabric what Christy Turlington is to supermodels – we don’t get it. I’m sure its beautiful but you look like the sofa at my Aunt Lisa’s house.

Less can be more

10. a) Cargo pants: I don’t understand why you think that green, army issue pants made to protect soldiers fighting in extreme locations for long periods of time would be flattering worn with a pair of high heels to a bar?

10 b) Harem Pants: I don’t understand why you think that pants made famous by a male 80s pop star with only one bad hit song would be flattering worn with high heels to a bar?

10 c) Poo Catcher Pants: I don’t understand why you think pants that start with the word ‘poo’ would be flattering worn with high heels at a bar?

I’d agree most with 2 but not with 1 and 3, which can look quite good if done right.

5 comments for “What women should not be wearing

  1. November 29, 2012 at 21:13

    Try offering constructive criticism of a woman’s appearance. You merely get showered with abuse. Unless you tell her that you like her new hairdo, in which case it suddenly needs a thousand and one things doing to it.

    The world is one big mental hospital, and men are the nurses.

  2. November 29, 2012 at 21:25

    There’s a certain lovely lady and she was going away for a few days. She asked me for some ideas on what to wear and what not. I gave some ideas, even down to possible perfumes.

    She thanked me and told me she was going to ignore all of what I’d said. Well worth the effort, I thought.

  3. Amfortas
    November 30, 2012 at 00:39

    Back a few years there was a series of ‘skits’ on the tele called ‘Drop the Dead Donkey’. (I think). Amongst the regular skits was one of a woman who would appear in the most outlandish clobber, sometimes so ridiculous that in real life a chap would need his jaw wired back up, asking her husband for his opinion. Despite every effort he would be backed into a verbal corner where she could deliver the fatal blow of ‘Why can’t you just say I look nice?”

  4. November 30, 2012 at 07:10

    Part 2 of above. There was another lady, actually my gf, who insisted I go with her to shop for clothing and I was dragged into every decision – it was a two way street. She had a sense of style and fashion but kept fairly conservative all the same – it was me suggesting she wear something a bit more outlandish but she’d always go back to classic.

    She had that whilst I had a sense of colour and shape for a given body and personality and it just seemed to me that certain things were logical. As she was on the small side, flared slacks were not a good idea and light top over dark lower half also made her look stumpy, despite high heels.

    Graduated was better for her and as she was thin, she therefore looked taller, which was her aim. Have to say I enjoyed all that and it was easy on the eyes though when she’d whip the changing room curtain back and almost starkers, ask if this was OK, the eyes weren’t always focussed on the jeans, for example.

    By the way, that girl in the green trenchcoat is much older than she seems and she’s fully dressed, i.e. she has a floral dress on, quite modest and most feminine. She creates that naked effect, of course, by the trenchcoat only being an inch longer than the dress and no leg cover below that. Thin legs help too but she’s not that thin overall – in fact she’s a little bit … er … curvy, which can’t be seen in this pic though.

  5. December 1, 2012 at 00:08

    I’ve never heard of Paula Joye, but agree with all her points, especially #2 and #6. Thing is, though, if everybody followed her ideas it might make for a classier, but much less interesting, world. We need some flakes and quirks don’t we?

    “The most important thing to wear is a smile.”
    (― Ann Taylor)

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