What was funny I inquired, she turned the page back and passed the flyer over pointing to a child wearing a Batman play costume, only on closer inspection it wasn’t a child but a grown man in what was described as a Batman onesie !
Inevitably it was suggested I should get one, ideal on the cold winter evenings, I declined the offer as the thought of lolling about looking like a giant black pudding rather than Batman didn’t appeal, but the incident reminded me of an event some two or three weeks earlier.
Having dutifully driven the wife to the city on a shopping expedition we inevitably ended up in M&S as new pajamas were on the list.
Passing through the lingerie, my inner thoughts were interrupted by a muffled “that stuffs alright when your eighteen” onward past the baby doll nighties, no comment needed, we homed in on our destination – the comfy and cosy section where I retired a discreet distance so choices could be made.
It was during my hovering that the sound of increasing laughter came from the other side of the island unit and as it got louder we could not but look to see what was causing such mirth, and it was the sight of two women with a giant rabbit outfit wondering whether it would fit the intended recipient, one size fits all with these, but what if you are tall? Te only way you could wear one would be to take on the appearance of Quasimodo or alternatively if short be walking around with your feet where your knees should be.
I then showed my ignorance and created more laughter when suggesting that it looked a bit warm to wear in bed, in bed you fool it’s a onesie to lounge about in.
The journey home consisted of the obvious to me question of do people really wear these things around the house, I mean adults ? No different to those two footed slippers and snuggle blankets, I showed my ignorance in these matters again, snuggle blanket what are they I asked, the long explanation into the whys and hows of people staying came back at me and I was told there really is no difference between the two foot slippers and a onesie in principal.
I wasn’t having that and suggested if the doorbell rang, the slippers could be left behind but a onesie only left two options, leave it behind and answer the door naked or answer the door looking like whatever you were wearing, tiga, a crocodile, frog and what if you had a kangaroo version (yes they do make them) would you arrive at the door in a couple of bounds, now your being ridiculous says the wife and the subject was dropped.
But of course the mind was racing by then, I could be anyone I liked in a onesie of my choice, boyhood heroes came to mind, Capt Hook, Superman, Zorro, the list seemed endless.
Problem is I wouldn’t look like a superhero with my bulk, I would have to change direction -Humpty Dumpty, Oliver Hardy, W C Fields, Ant AND Dec.
Aaaaghhhhh, time for my cocoa.