The rain, it falleth, the ark neareth completion

Noah_s_Ark_2423589b

Let’s get all biblical about this rain thing – Cherie certainly has:

Genesis 6

12 And the Lord said: “Behold, I shall send a flood over the land, for I am sore weary of this gay marriage thing.

13 Not really.  It’s clearly nothing to do with that, it’s about climate change, though verily that shalt be denied by he who they call the Environment Secretary, for he shall say the badgers did move the goalposts.”

14 And the Lord did go out to a man who they called David of the Camerons, from the Land of Eton, who the people did call No-ideah, for  more often than not he had no idea what to do.

And so on. Check it out.

5 Responses to “The rain, it falleth, the ark neareth completion”

  1. CherryPie February 18, 2014 at 00:25 Permalink

    I thought that would float your boat ;-)

  2. Amfortas February 18, 2014 at 07:44 Permalink

    …..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:

    “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

    In a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.

    Remember,” said the Lord: “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

    Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.

    “Noah,” he shouted…“Where is the Ark?”

    “Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems: First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm to redraw the plans”.

    “Then I got into a fight with the Fire Marshall and OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the local planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl…but, I finally convinced the Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls, so, no owls.”

    “Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group PETA sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard mumbling something about “harm and fairness””.

    “Just when I finally got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe”.

    “Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country and not pay taxes. I then got a notice from a state revenue agent that I owe them some kind of user tax because I failed to register the Ark as a “recreational water craft.” And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it’s a religious event, and, therefore, “unconstitutional”. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least…another five or six years.”

    Noah then waited for a response from the Lord…

    The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

    “You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

    “No,” He said sadly.”

    “I don’t have to. The government already has.”

    (With thanks to http://governmentgonewild.org/noahandtheark and many others)

  3. Amfortas February 18, 2014 at 08:25 Permalink

    Is it an ark, at all ? Just ‘cuz it floats when the water arrives…..
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1350755/Planners-sink-couples-Ark-build-2-storey-holiday-home-barge.html

  4. James Higham February 18, 2014 at 09:09 Permalink

    Indeed.

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