Emotional blackmail

Please bear this in mind throughout this post:

Please also bear in mind that she is one of hundreds of kindred spirits following each other on Twitter – male and female.  We retweet each other, we get along well, even when hard things are said.

It puzzled me for so long – how was it that my life partner was always right, how did she always come out on top, how was I always the guilty one, sometimes not even aware that any crime had been committed in the first place?

It was this way for a long time, accepting I’d done something wrong to upset her and it happened with the three partners in my life over the decades:

This is how I did see things for decades:

When I didn’t see that I was breaking you apart
With angry words of love I didn’t mean
Oh why, can’t believe that I would ever
Talk myself out of tomorrow
Talked like a fool to yesterday

No more.

It took me decades to wake up to just how professional the female is at all the little tricks because ascendancy in any relationship is her goal, even if done subconsciously.  It’s a low-level cold war which never ends.

Let’s be clear from the outset, we’re not even talking out-and-out bitches here, SJWs, that proportion of that sex, just like our sex, who are complete horses’ backsides.

No, we’re talking here of women worth pursuing, the ones everyone else sees as real ‘catches’, the ones well worth the chase, the ‘lovely’ women, the ones who have you catching your breath, holding that paunch in, the ones who make you walk tall.

And truth is, we have all sorts of faults, us men … but not nearly as many as her catalogue makes out we do. I’m afraid this starts to look like emotional assassination attempts on her part in order to rein us in, make us more malleable.

The standard male really is naive, he thinks it’s just about being a rock for her, being sound, looking after her and she’ll do her part in return, two calm adults with a ‘mature’ relationship and all will be well in the future.

What it takes him so, so long to wake up to is that inside her head are all sorts of insecurities he knows not of, while she was raised in her family protected and ‘Princessing’ it over daddy and grandpa [forgiven everything] and now here is this seasoned campaigner about to conquer a real amateur who is besotted by her.

And one other factor pointed out by Agatha Christie:

“Well,” said Mr Satterthwaite slowly, “it’s a possible one, isn’t it? Counsel ridiculed the supposition, of course, but I think he was wrong. You see, I’ve known a good many young men, and these emotional scenes upset them very much – especially the dark, nervous type like Martin Wylde.

Women now, can go through a scene like that and feel positively better for it afterwards, with all their wits about them. It acts like a safety valve for them, steadies their nerves down and all that. But I can see Martin Wylde going away with his head in a whirl, sick and miserable …”

And on top of that constant need for conflict and resolution in perpetuity [instead of boring calm and peace within the household], there is something far nastier in far too many women:

She needs to cast her man as a perpetrator of wrongs against her, slights against her. Victimhood.

At all costs, she must have the moral high ground, even when she [often] does not. And slowly she builds up a dossier of his faults to throw at him in any disagreement and maintain that high moral ground.

This is an ongoing Powerplay, no more, no less. And just like the Left, she diverts attention from it by reproaching him for his temerity in opposing it, calling her out on it.  “She who must be obeyed” has become a term of amusement but look at the value system loaded into that expression.

Why?  Why must she be obeyed?  Answer is – to keep the peace. How many men have succumbed to the tactic?  How many eh?  Apart from psychopaths, ordinary Herberts are not professionals at these things, they find escape in their workshops at the end of the garden, at the football, they say yes dear, no dear.

And what they are doing, these men, is abetting and confirming that her ongoing tactic works.

Until one day he’s had enough of it:

To come to that conclusion, something must have happened in that man’s head, something major.  “Enchantment” and “under her spell” are well known descriptors of the male-female relationship and possibly the most famous was Henry VIII, the tyrant, and Anne Boleyn.  She had him under her spell, she then went and blew it, as Chas and Dave sang above:

You only ‘ad to say the word,
And you knew I’d do it.
You ‘ad me where you wanted me,
But you went and blew it.
Now everything I ever done, was only done for you.
But now you can go and do just what you wanna do,
I’m tellin’ you.

The lack of a male heir was certainly a factor but far more fatal for our Anne was her acid tongue and constant reproach.

Mary Shelley nailed it around 200 years ago:

I do not wish women to have power over men … but over themselves.

And George Eliot:

Half the sorrows of women would be averted if they could repress the speech they know to be useless, nay – the speech they had resolved not to make. [1866]

As the woman at Sarah Hoyt’s wrote some days back:

As a female reader with a strong taste for rational thinking, I am begging authors to stop doing this [placing females on a pedestal]. Every female over the age of seven knows that a planet full of only women would not be peaceful.

This is what so many males, especially the pussified and those who have not had much to do with the female over the long term almost always get wrong, due to some quasi-chivalrous attitude which prevents them from seeing reality:

The female, by her very nature, by her very hormones perhaps, is by definition restless, dissatisfied, terrified at missing out on something better. She is unstable in a relationship, she threatens that very relationship with her actions and words and the man who is there with her to support her is made to feel he’s done something wrong, that he’s inadequate in some way.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is sick, there’s no other word for it. It’s nasty.

And we’re talking here about normal, desirable women. My ex-gf was quite specific about it – she needed me to rise above all this, to let her do her worst and still be there. The rewards would then come my way.

And one of those rewards is that she’ll put up with the man’s very real faults in the interest of her need for him, for his presence, for the atmosphere he creates in the family home if he’s a good man.

And every single hetero male knows full well he must have that yielding softness in his arms, that voice, those lips, that way she walks beside him. The way she cooks. Woman at her best is a narcotic – without her, he goes cold turkey very badly.

And so we come back to ‘talking out of turn’.

Raymond Chandler, in Farewell My Lovely, has Marlow talking to a woman witness with Officer Nulty also present.  She accuses Marlow of ‘not letting her get a word in edgeways’.

‘This gentleman over here has no trouble keeping his mouth shut.’

‘He’s had practice – he’s married.’

‘You get out of my house, I’m calling the police.’

‘I am a police officer, Madam,’ reassured Nulty.

That moment of decision

If a man does not nip in the bud this imperceptible shift from her requiring and being entitled to his support … to reproaching him over a bulging catalogue of shortcomings, it’s the end for them there and then, though he will do anything for peace for years.

But it started to end the moment he left that first untrue and unfair criticism go into her record book in her mind.

And therein lies man’s dilemma.  Just as this exotic woman below [in the song] does, his own creates a whole world of victimhood and slights to happily live within.  There is a Russian song called “cry for him while he’s there, not after he’s gone”, one of the lines being that having mistreated him and he having gone off to war, she now cries. “She already sees herself in the role of Widow.”:

Coming back to Janna’s thought at the top of the page, it is way too simplistic to dismiss the thoughts above as misogyny, as “hating women” – to do so reflects more on the person making that judgment.

The perspicacious will know that far from “hating” women, your humble blogger simply despairs of these tactics by women because they get in the way of harmonious relations and heaven knows there’s enough assault on those by the global left/feminazis without women’s very nature turning destructive.

The men who do best are those who don’t take it as seriously as this post does, who’ve been in a marriage for donkey’s years, who have found the formula.  Plus they’re probably better judges of character than me in selecting partners.

But we can’t all be supermen like them.

8 comments for “Emotional blackmail

  1. Chuckles
    August 12, 2017 at 12:34

    “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m sure you misunderstood what I intended to say.”

  2. August 12, 2017 at 23:22

    Maybe you allowed the special ladies in your life to make you feel guilty.

    Ladies are also susceptible to allowing the men in their life to make them feel guilty.

    It is our own thoughts and considerations that make us feel guilty. In all relationships it is best to talk things through and listen. Only then can we understand where the other person is coming from.

    • Wolfie
      August 12, 2017 at 23:42

      Once you have children there is never enough of anything to around, you go to bed exhausted every night. The first thing you must give up is guilt.

      • August 13, 2017 at 00:06

        Yes Wolfie, children must always come first before any other considerations.

        I have not been blessed with children, but I have always tried to love and support my nephews in the best way I can.

        • August 13, 2017 at 04:44

          A sympathetic Aunt is a godsend.

  3. August 13, 2017 at 00:09

    First class, sir.

  4. Toodles McGhee
    August 29, 2017 at 06:23

    Catching up on some mid August posts. You must have had a few tempestuous relationships!

    Oh, and my husband is a very good judge of character.

  5. August 29, 2017 at 06:58

    Discernment, I would have said.

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