The Bulwer-Lytton

The story in 2017:

The winner of the thirty-fifth Lyttoniad is Kat Russo from picturesque Loveland, Colorado. Kat describes herself as having twenty-six years of experience in covering social awkwardness with humor and stories about her cats. She spends her time working in outdoor retail and at a wildlife rehabilitation center while trying to figure out how to use her art degree.

Conceived to honor the memory of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton and to encourage unpublished authors who do not have the time to actually write entire books, the contest challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.

Bulwer was selected as patron of the competition because he opened his novel “Paul Clifford” (1830) with the immortal words, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

Are you ready for the winning entry for 2017?

The elven city of Losstii faced towering sea cliffs and abutted rolling hills that in the summer were covered with blankets of flowers and in the winter were covered with blankets, because the elves wanted to keep the flowers warm and didn’t know much at all about gardening. — Kat Russo, Loveland, Colorado

[H/T Chuckles]

6 comments for “The Bulwer-Lytton

  1. dearieme
    August 13, 2017 at 12:18

    Hats off to Kat. I guffawed.

  2. dearieme
    August 13, 2017 at 12:21

    P.S. Apparently it wasn’t C S Lewis who said “Oh no! Not another fucking elf!”

    But it should have been.

    • August 13, 2017 at 12:48

      Orlando Bloom expressed similar sentiments. Not.

  3. August 13, 2017 at 13:27

    Elf and safety issues should be taken seriously.

    • Sackerson
      August 13, 2017 at 15:11

      Elfin safety is our highest priority.

  4. August 13, 2017 at 16:36

    How far away were these towering sea cliffs the elven city faced? Her sentence could be greatly improved by including some precision regarding the cliff height and distance from the nearer elf homes. She might have taken the opportunity to introduce an elf who lived in one such near home and was never spoken about again. She needs an editor.

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