Pirate hotspots

The leftwing Popular Mechanics had a piece on piracy in the Philippines:

When pirates tried to board a merchant vessel off the coast of the Philippines, the crew defended their ship like a castle, throwing boiling oil and water at the invaders. They succeeded in fending off the buccaneers, but this battle highlights the variety of desperate, homebrewed anti-pirate measures that some boat crews must employ to prevent capture—or worse.

The incident took place five miles southeast of Sibago island in the Philippines, in the Celebes Sea. Three pirate motorboats overtook and attempted to board the MV Kudos 1, a local merchant ship, with ropes and hooks, but were foiled by the crew medieval maritime warfare.

I thought I’d list just a few places you don’t go anywhere near on a boat these days.

1. Nowhere in Europe on the canal system because of the rip-off money demands by the authorities for zero return.

2. Nowhere near the French to the German coast as it’s treacherous, especially in the Bay of Biscay and above Holland.

3. The Philippines, Andamans, anywhere around there – it’s asking to be pirated and/or murdered. Nowhere near the subcontinent or Red Sea.

4. Near Gibraltar both for political reasons and the treacherous currents moving to the Atlantic and back.

5. Nowhere near the northern African coast – illegals and pirates, Muslims.

6. Nowhere near Spain, Italy or Sicily, nowhere near Greece. Don’t put in at Marseilles.

7. Nowhere near Israel or the Lebanon.

8. No Brazilian port, both for the rip-off by customs authorities and for the local pirates and marauders in harbour. No Argentinian or Chilean port for the same reason.

9. Nowhere near Panama because of the rip-off and the boat being impounded.

10. Nowhere near Cape Horn due to the treacherous conditions, ditto for anywhere in the Southern ocean [Roaring Forties].

11. Nowhere under Australia due to treacherous conditions, including Bass Strait.

12. Nowhere above Australia due to treacherous conditions and marauders.

13. No South or North Pacific islands due to 1st world prices and 3rd world service, ditto in the Caribbean but add hurricanes to the latter.

14. Nowhere near the African coast.

15. Nowhere near Britain or Ireland due to treacherous conditions, nowhere on the canals due to C&RT fascism and rip-off.

16. Nowhere near Australian port cities or Scandinavian, due to jihadi action.

17.  Nowhere on the US coastline, especially near any city with a high black population, keep away from Florida for weather reasons.

So, where is possible then?

Nowhere. Also, stay outside a 500 mile zone near any Muslim or black country. And the most recent is Cape Town which has no drinking water either.

Oh and stay away from the middle of the oceans because thy’re treacherous these days due to the unsettled conditions of the past decade and a half.

[H/T Chuckles]

9 comments for “Pirate hotspots

  1. The Blocked Dwarf
    February 22, 2018 at 14:24

    By the title I thought this was going to be an wild, exciting, edge-of-seat tale of hacking, a story of ‘wifi hotspots’ and ‘war driving'(as we old farts called it). Of nerds with far too much bandwidth and time on their hands. The unbridled eroticism of ‘honey pot sniffing’ and ‘rooting boxes’. Unfortunately it was just about boats and men with guns *yawn*

    • Chuckles
      February 22, 2018 at 15:12

      Better stick to the torrents, nzbs and the Scene releases then?

  2. February 22, 2018 at 15:44

    Is that all?

  3. Mark Matis
    February 22, 2018 at 16:00

    Well of course you should never go near any of those sewers. They are, after all, foully salty, and will corrode anything which touches them. Fresh water, on the other hand, is fine. Enjoy Wast Water!

  4. February 22, 2018 at 18:39

    Unfortunately it was just about boats and men with guns *yawn*

    Wildly exciting, sensational.

  5. MadNumismatist
    February 22, 2018 at 20:18

    I must be one of the few white people to ever set foot on Jolo and leave with my head, and at one point I really felt that would not happen.

    At the dock are the traditional dhow type vessels and alongside them are the pirate vessels. They are really something to see, I will try digging a few photos. They are typically homemade, plywood, cigar type, boats that have four or five 250HP outboards on the back.

    Easily able to out run the military craft and absolutely no reason for them except smuggling and piracy. They also do not limit themselves to freighters, they are equally happy to prey on their own. The Badjao, Sea Gypsies, live at sea, rarely setting foot on land, are a favourite for attack. Slavery is still very much a reality for them.

  6. February 23, 2018 at 00:33

    #16 is a bit harsh.

  7. February 23, 2018 at 06:59

    Yes, I was quoting you here with N16, thinking of Melbourne which from many reports is overrun. Wasn’t thinking of Hobart as an “Australian” port city as Tasmania is not on the Australian maps, internationally, izzit? 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.