Duck sexing

Gotta lotta things to say. Can’t claim it was this bad in the past few days:

… but hanging around home here was probably not conducive to health, had a grand day out today, sexing ducks in the country and while I was waiting for my ride, made some notes for this post, which I’ll now go into:

Communication

The main ways, in order of annoyance to me, N1 the most annoying, are:

1. Knock on the door/buzzer;
2. Telephone;
3. Text;
4. Skype;
5. Email;
6. Tweet;
7. Blog comment.

The first one I refuse to answer, the second I refuse to answer [in fact it’s not plugged in and there are blocks on all mobile incoming], N3 with close friends only, Skype with only one person [male], last three are fine but no DMs, except with those I choose to.

It would be unfortunate for anyone wanting to take the knock on the door further as I’m very careless you know, sharp objects left lying about which an intruder might accidentally fall upon, oh dear, none of these objects being weapons in themselves.

The two four three states of other people

Through my eyes, N1 the best:

1. Very close friend;
2. Friend/colleague;
3. Enemy/hostile entity.

That’s it but it can be further refined to:

1. Invited;
2. Uninvited.

I do have various perimeter and home defences against N2.

Things which can go wrong with that

Sometimes those on the close and invited list can come out with texts or emails saying, ‘Hey, James, where are you? Wake up !!!!’

Or else the doctor has agreed to phone on a particular afternoon but I’m meant to be hanging about for her to do that, the entire afternoon. Nope, shan’t. If she catches me in the supermarket, then I’ll call her back when I’m ready – that’s how the NHS works for me.

Tell you what though – I find the medicos on the front line pretty good and of course I’d put myself out, last evening’s MRI was nicely done by them. Also, my mate was late today but that was neither here nor there, I was the one who chose to go downstairs and wait, plus we texted.

Most people seem pretty reasonable. A car pulled up this morning at what was the main drag near us and tried a three point turn. Surprised me how all the speedsters zooming past slowed and stopped, happy to let the guy complete the turn. Thought that was quite nice of people, no horns, nothing shrill.

In Russia, everyone had a nice thing going – it was road etiquette to flash your lights at the oncoming driver if we’d just passed Plod hiding in the grass. They then made it illegal, as in arrest-illegal.

Down on the farm

I was wondering if it would be like this:

But it was all free range, so free in fact that you had to run fifty yards to catch one. Vot fun vee had.

The hogs all came over for a gander, as happy as pigs in s*** they were, which in fact they were. Guy tells us they’ll have to get out of there, he’s planting tatties soon.

I ask if he’s thought of making his own bacon, he stuns by saying yep, first lot wasn’t too bad, a bit salty. You don’t smoke it? One thing at a time.

Down by the duck pond, I ask if he’s thought ‘salmon farm’. He had but not yet. The crispy Peking ducks were all eyeing us as potential food.

Mania for preparation

I can’t do anything without preparing – even the impromptu is prepared, this post now came from this morning’s notes. You should have seen my pockets on the lumbershirt – cards, cash, pen, paper in one, mobile in the other, GTN in one side pocket, keys in the other.

In the carry bag were three tomato, cheese and dill sandwiches, plus lemon water bottle, paracetamol and lozenges.

You can call it mania, I call it prepping.

Decline in faculties

Age is a factor. It was a terrific day, fabulous weather, plus I was out in the country with pigs, sheep and birds of various varieties. Air was crisp, all was well, far better to have accepted the invitation [wasn’t well enough to] – just to get out was grand.

Back home and two things – the heart is still a bit wonky, feel 80%, not 100%, plus the knee joints were not bad but slightly iffy. Possibly too much kneeling and twisting as if I were still a young man. Sadly, such things must now be put aside.

And there’s one more aspect, which ties into this age and preparation thing – when one ages, things which were no bother before start to assume greater importance, they loom larger, obstacles which you’d do an end run round earlier, you now think – hmmmmm, might let this one pass this time.

Duck sexing

It’s not just looking at their nether regions, it’s how they push up the tail, how they strut around, how proprietorial they are and with the females – how insane, wildly running round squawking.

They’d all get an idea in their head and rush down to the river, then rush over to a fence, then all rush at us, the appearance of the corn wheelbarrow sent them into a right frenzy.

Grand day out.

Lastly, till tomorrow, no quiz this evening, sorry

Heard a nice one today. Mate says granddaughter got her first Valentine, she doesn’t think it’s her aspiring BF, thinks it’s some mystery boy. Like it – that’s the sort of thing which makes the world go round.

Once went to fetch my bag and there was a letter in there, no name. ‘What makes you think A is the only one who can love you?’ Never found out who but nice.

As it’s Valentine’s, a concession to slow dancing – get to it, boys and girls and have a nice evening and night:

12 comments for “Duck sexing

  1. Chuckles
    February 14, 2019 at 18:39

    Swan upping next on the list then?

  2. Toodles
    February 14, 2019 at 20:11

    Sounds like you need yourself a good ole manpurse since you got the mania for preps.

    Oh the joy I had just yesterday when I discovered one $5 bill and two $1’s and an assortment of coins stashed in a purse I had not used in a year. I am still debating on whether to try the the wrapped chocolate I discovered deep in the front pocket that I placed there for emergencies! Possibly the best discovery of all….if it doesn’t make me icky.

  3. The Blocked Dwarf
    February 14, 2019 at 20:20

    You should have seen my pockets on the lumbershirt

    I’m the same. The days when I could wake after a couple of hours ‘sleep’ (ie drunkenly passed out) pour a coffee down my throat, a couple of paracetamol and decide there and then to hitchhike across the entire country to Abersheepshagger in the arse end of Wales to see a girl (a good Oxfordshire girl I might add, NOT Welsh, even i had standards!)….grabbing only my tobacco,a packet of condoms (free from Family Planning- me spend actual money? Heaven forfend!) and enough pennies for one bottle of Merrydown as provisions for the journey before hitting the road; those days, like my hair and liver , are long gone.
    Now a coach trip to Belgium requires military levels of planning . The spare battery for my phone has a spare (and two usb cables and adaptor for EU plugs) and I have so many different medications with me in addition to my habitual ‘Arrest Kit’ tin of meds that I have to carry a letter from my doctor incase the Douane think I am trying to muscle in on the French le Benzo noir market.

  4. Toodles
    February 14, 2019 at 20:41

    BD, you wanna chocolate?

  5. February 14, 2019 at 21:06

    Interesting about chocolate – Cynerae, Leggy’s girl, just sent: ‘Can ducks eat chocolate?’ What’s this ducks and chocolate thing?

    We have all sorts here – drug runners, curmudgeons, we’re not fussy.

    • Chuckles
      February 14, 2019 at 21:35

      I’m sure they can, but may they?

      • Mark Matis
        February 14, 2019 at 23:33

        Well of course they may, if one is careless enough to leave it lying ’round where they may get to it. The REAL question is whether they will survive after doing so. And the answer there is:

        It depends.

        On how much of it they eat.

        And how unhappy you are that they ate it…

        }:-]

        • Chuckles
          February 15, 2019 at 12:20

          So, that’s the destiny of the Duck Dynasty?

  6. Toodles
    February 15, 2019 at 03:59

    I really just hate to be the one to say what I am going to say. Nevertheless, I see it must be said. ‘You quazies quack me up!’

  7. Doonhamer
    February 15, 2019 at 08:34

    How dare you make assumptions about a drukes gender.

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