UK headlines, 2039

It was by haiku, you’ll recall. Woodsy42 has this to add:

I enjoyed Mexifornia, horribly near the reality! But then it occurred that we live in the UK which set me thinking.

So here is my vision, you may be able to add a few more:

The UK 2039

# The Prime Minister Mohammed Ogwanshe-Smith (leader of the Ethnic Minority Coalition Party) has negotiated with Brussels to secure a further 2 year delay to Brexit (until December 2041) to allow time for parliamentary discussion of the required future relationship.

# All computing devices must have integral online biometric user ID. Citizens requiring access to the Internet must renew their Internet Access Permit and register their biometric details to the Ministry of Information database. This can be done at any of the 50 UK Post Offices.

# The charge for an IAP (Internet Access Permit) will be set at £1000 pa and applicants must supply a current ‘clean thought’ clearance certificate from the Home Office anti-extremist department.

# The latest Apple biophone model 5 is available. These will cost $10,000 (£25,000) which includes the cost of the implant surgery and connection to the central nervous system, carried out at an Apple implantable device clinic.

# Visas for English visitors and tourists to the Republic of Scotland will be reduced in cost to £100 per week, visitors from elsewhere in the EU can obtain one free online.

# With the opening of the Whole of Wales wind farm the domestic user electric allowance will be increased to 10 KWH per day and citizens will be allowed to travel up to 200 miles per week in their community driverless shared-ownership electric vehicle.

# The majority of areas of the UK now have community shared driverless vehicles, and where such schemes exist private car ownership is being phased out.

# The charges banks are permitted to levy on transactions will be capped at 25% after protests that banks have been taking unfair advantage of the recent money laundering rules that ban all cash payments.

# Local councils have power to add an additional Unused Room Levy of 50% per room to council tax bills. This will apply on properties which they assess as having more rooms than needed by the registered occupants, this will encourage people to vacate properties too large for their needs and move to smaller ones.

# King Harry and Queen Meg announce their pleasure that their first grandchild will be raised in a genderless, race-free, agnostic, colourless, and tradition free manner.

# HS2 has now reached High Wycombe, where a temporary terminus allows travel to London some 50 seconds faster than previously. It is projected to extend the line north to reach Birmingham by 2080.

# The Ministry of Transport are converting all motorway left lanes to cycleways and reserving the outside lane for official vehicles. Cyclists will pay a modest toll.

# After protracted differences of opinion Chile has left the EU and abandoned the Euro.

7 comments for “UK headlines, 2039

  1. microdave
    March 20, 2019 at 11:19

    Jeeesus, Woodsy – I thought I was a cynical pessimist!!!

    • woodsy42
      March 20, 2019 at 12:33

      A bit too dystopian microdave? I did try and project forward from something that’s beginning to happen already. But yes, I confess did also project in a somewhat negative and exagerated direction. Late night whisky can do that.

  2. Twisted Root
    March 20, 2019 at 11:29

    On the plus side books, magazines and pamphlets are still a thing.

    • Andy5759
      March 20, 2019 at 11:41

      The HP Indigo digital printing press is connected online to HP. Ostensibly to monitor “clicks” for charging. One worrying aspect of this is that a pdf of each document printed is sent along with the click count. Any material considered subversive can be traced back to the individual printing press. If we want to be able to distribute information in our brave new sunlit uplands of a utopia hold on to those Heidelberg platens.

      Oh, as an afterthought; please avoid Helvetica and its variants. It is Eurofont.

  3. Mark Matis
    March 20, 2019 at 12:15

    Well at least it isn’t King Charles and Queen Camilla, fer chrissakes!

  4. ivan
    March 20, 2019 at 13:29

    With the way climate change is going we could well see Scotland under ice and I’m not sure that those from warmer climates will remain especially when the government runs out of tax payers money and are unable to continue the bribes. Also the wind generators are very unlikely to be working because they are all iced up.

  5. March 21, 2019 at 04:19

    Chilean President for British PM. The President’s name (whatever it is) is bound to be more acceptible. Or at least name a Welsh wind turbine after him/her (or te/che/tzu/ %$& ).

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