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cartoons and articles, some political

Friday

Quite a programme today Before we kick off with JD, the French have a certain way with words:

Massacre à la botoxeuse

And so to JD:

George Monbiot not always a Moonbat]-

Human beings – by which I mean those anthropoid creatures who do not necessarily receive social security – often live in families.

But benefit claimants live in “benefit units”, defined by the government as “an adult plus their spouse (if applicable) plus any dependent children living in the household”.

On the bright side, if you die while on a government work programme, you’ll be officially declared a “completer”. Which must be a relief.A dehumanising system requires a dehumanising language.

So familiar and pervasive has this language become that it has soaked almost unnoticed into our lives. Those who do have jobs are also described by the function they deliver to capital. These days they are widely known as “human resources”.

Get a room and other stories

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Star footballer caught in sex romp in Paris

Footballers have been known to do some pretty outrageous things but this one takes the biscuit and I’m sorry to say it’s one of our star players. I liked Jimmy Bartel, I really did but this is just one step too far, this is beyond the pale, if you catch my drift.

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He was caught canoodling with the young lady and seems the two couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

What’s wrong with that, you might ask? Well for goodness sake – she’s his wife! A man has the hots for his own wife? What’s the world coming to?

I mean, what got into him – he goes gallivanting off to Paris with her when he could have been getting sloshed with the lads in Bali:

duncan_hol1

Caption time

Supply his name, her name and what he’s saying to her:

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The geek

From Chuckles:

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Also:

When I lived in England, I told the girl I was dating (who’s still one of my best friends in the world) that I could do a KILLER Irish accent.

What chance Mark Reckless? [And other matters]

220px-Mark_RecklessWhile the national feeling is that the Tories will pip Mark Reckless in Rochester and Strood, this is not the feeling of Maidstone and Medway News, which polled people and found:

rochester and strood

Farage was cautious and didn’t make too much of it, saying Mark Reckless was ‘incredibly brave’, which is pollie-talk for going to be struggling to win.

The Tory abuse has been staggering, compared to Douglas Carswell and Reckless has had to move his family into hiding, as you’ve probably read.  If I had any doubts before about which way to vote in 2015, I don’t now.  I do not wish to be party to such graceless behaviour as these Tories are currently exhibiting, along with the SNP before and Labour before that.

From haiku:

Never pick a fight when you’re drunk

The pig in Australia who drank eighteen beers and then took on the nearest cow, ending up running around a car to escape.…

Defence Advisory Committee warning

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From the Office of the Prime Minister

Press Release

Defence Advisory  Committee.

Date: 3 October 2014

Subject: Imminent Strike on 2A Babel Gardens, Mosul, Iraq

To All Editors

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/defence/11138459/New-MI6-head-revealed-as-Alex-Younger-to-replace-Sir-John-Sawers.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-29476943

The committee advises that editors are to refrain from writing on the upcoming strike by five Green Cheese missiles and four GAM-87 Skybolt missiles, timetabled to be fired at 11:24 local time, at the designated destination.

ISIS and all relevant victims have been advised to be present at said location, inside the building, in good time for the strike.

It is an offence under the acts listed in Appendix A for any editor of any publication within the UK – though not applicable to the Isle of Man, Jersey or the Republic of Ireland – to release any details of change of personnel within the security service MI6 or details of any imminent strike by Her Majesty’forces within the timeframe of this notice.…

Security alerts

sensible walks

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.…

Beefcake calendar to start the week

Chuckles is a kind and thoughtful chap – he sees a post on boats and suggests a better way to construct an ark, he sees a post on women’s sports teams thinking it’s quite OK stripping off for skanky calendars, all in aid of a good cause of course. he notices the lack of gender balance and so suggests the following, in the cause of equality:

The New York Taxi Driver’s Calendar, just the thing to view with your breakfast:

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